i mentioned here, that i had an "emo" episode the other day, triggered by bumy's accident (*sigh*) and also my feeling suck at time-management and doing consistent routines for bumy. fortunately, it ended up a bit productive. if i may say so.
because we came up with the idea of listing down the "problems" and then we brainstormed about the solutions.
what are they, really?
1. i feel the need to upgrade my parenting "skill." because bumy's development in terms of emotional and behavior is getting more and mooore CHALLENGING. whew.
i myself have been the long-bearer of impulsiveness. i also have the tendency to be anxious if i feel like i lose control of the situation. and with bumy, i feel like losing the control every time he 'acts up' or just being not cooperative.
thus, with all these shortcomings and lack of "skills," i face the problem to control my emotions right and, at the same time, facilitate my kid's development. this needs guidance. yet the need to find a guide, holds a problem of its own.
recent events have brought me to the debate over which "expert" is the best one. it's okay to have a pro-con list, but i don't feel okay to bash a person because he or she has shortcomings. i mean, we are, in terms of parenting skill, customers of what those experts have to offer. you choose what's suitable for you. but there's no need to badmouth a seller you don't like. unless you've suffered real disadvantages.
because we came up with the idea of listing down the "problems" and then we brainstormed about the solutions.
what are they, really?
1. i feel the need to upgrade my parenting "skill." because bumy's development in terms of emotional and behavior is getting more and mooore CHALLENGING. whew.
i myself have been the long-bearer of impulsiveness. i also have the tendency to be anxious if i feel like i lose control of the situation. and with bumy, i feel like losing the control every time he 'acts up' or just being not cooperative.
thus, with all these shortcomings and lack of "skills," i face the problem to control my emotions right and, at the same time, facilitate my kid's development. this needs guidance. yet the need to find a guide, holds a problem of its own.
recent events have brought me to the debate over which "expert" is the best one. it's okay to have a pro-con list, but i don't feel okay to bash a person because he or she has shortcomings. i mean, we are, in terms of parenting skill, customers of what those experts have to offer. you choose what's suitable for you. but there's no need to badmouth a seller you don't like. unless you've suffered real disadvantages.
as ruwet as it may sound, i feel a bit down because of all this.
there's a tension within to get hold of a parenting skill that works, that's effective. i find myself "lost" again, amidst the stream
endless methods and opinions. just like when i first became a mom.
i know i need to overcome this confusion and overwhelming feeling....
solutions:
i know i need to overcome this confusion and overwhelming feeling....
solutions:
- manage my expectations. easier said than done obviously.
- stop bumy's daycare membership per june. i need to work on establishing daily routines and spend moreee time with bumy so we can "synchronize."
- the more you read the more you know, is the adage. but be mindful to do it with your mind open wide and your heart strong, not easily intimidated. i need to repeat this line over and over to myself.
2. i need to put my best to manifest the daily routine schedule and family menu.
solution: print those schedule and menu and put in where i can see them.
3. find people to do house chores and to take care of our garden.
solution: get a part-time ART and hire tukang kebun monthly.
4. make our house more functional (effective and efficient for bumy's and my daily activities), and more child-friendly in terms of safety.
this is the first time for our family to live in two-storey house. downstairs, there's no room. that's why i always feel anxious when i cook or in the bathroom because i can't always monitor bumy. the kid himself has already mastered the skill of unlocking the door -___- and he's also getting more and more curious each day.
i also feel my calves hardened as i'm being an IRT. because boy, don't i go up and down and up and down for a hundred times a day. xD that's what the need to be more functional is about.
solutions:
- pasang rantai di pintu utama, and to always take off keys on other doors.
- make a space for bumy's activity while he's downstairs with me.
- facilitate bumy to be able to go the toilet himself and to be involved in my activities.
therefore, this is the reason for our visit to ace last weekend.
meanwhile, adit's input for me is very simple, but a bit irritating. he told me to "jangan tidur terlalu malam." it's irritating because it resembles the kind of advice people make when you have a newborn: "kalo anaknya tidur, ya lo tidur juga." d'oh as if we have a switch to shut our eyes.
but... as the weekend passed, i found myself on monday again. thankfully.
despite being asleep on 12 am, i could get the energy to wake up early. and i don't sleep around leyeh-leyeh afterwards. instead, i went downstairs right away, made breakfast, and cleaned up the house. i had a conversation with adit before he got to work. i walked around the cluster with bumy to soak in the sun. and then i cooked by 10 am. we took a nap (haha) and i took bumy to rimba baca in the afternoon.
this morning, i tried doing the same thing: waking up early and just-do-it. all that needs to be done.
meanwhile, adit's input for me is very simple, but a bit irritating. he told me to "jangan tidur terlalu malam." it's irritating because it resembles the kind of advice people make when you have a newborn: "kalo anaknya tidur, ya lo tidur juga." d'oh as if we have a switch to shut our eyes.
but... as the weekend passed, i found myself on monday again. thankfully.
despite being asleep on 12 am, i could get the energy to wake up early. and i don't sleep around leyeh-leyeh afterwards. instead, i went downstairs right away, made breakfast, and cleaned up the house. i had a conversation with adit before he got to work. i walked around the cluster with bumy to soak in the sun. and then i cooked by 10 am. we took a nap (haha) and i took bumy to rimba baca in the afternoon.
this morning, i tried doing the same thing: waking up early and just-do-it. all that needs to be done.
we had breakfast together around the dining table. i sprayed water for my garden
with bumy. i
exercised. i cooked. i do one thing at a time. i try to be mindful (set up a lotusbud "mindfulness" alarm, hehe). and i thought, this is exactly what i traded my steady job for.... for the time with the kid,
for being at home, at ease.
slowly, my anxiety and lousy feelings fade. they're replaced by the want to try again, and again, and again. i don't have anything figured out. but i do know i want it, i want to be HERE, and wouldn't trade it for anything else.
slowly, my anxiety and lousy feelings fade. they're replaced by the want to try again, and again, and again. i don't have anything figured out. but i do know i want it, i want to be HERE, and wouldn't trade it for anything else.
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| the herbs i've been trying to grow. they're also my facilitator to practice the idea of "hanya memberi tak harap kembali" |
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| another afternoon at rimba baca |
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