gadget: the sword with sharp end

Tatap Mataku, Bukan Gadget-mu

by vanshe — Tuesday, May 28th, 2013 at 7:30 am

in Parenting

 

Beberapa waktu lalu, saya mendengar gaung ‘gerakan’ digital detox yang bertujuan menambah kualitas relasi antar sesama manusia, juga merekoneksi manusia dengan sanubarinya sendiri. Di negara seperti Amerika Serikat dan Inggris, bahkan telah diadakan semacam summer camp khusus untuk menjalankan digital detox.

Terkait dengan peran sebagai orangtua, Hani, memasukkan digital detox sebagai salah satu resolusi parenting-nya.

Sementara dari kondisi yang saya rasakan sendiri, kehadiran gadget di tengah interaksi saya dengan anak, memang cenderung membuat saya kurang fokus dalam berkomunikasi dengannya. Perhatian saya terbagi antara mendengarkan celotehan anak, dan distraksi dari bunyi-bunyian yang keluar dari gadget. Dari situ, saya berusaha menerapkan “no gadget policy” guna mencapai waktu berkualitas bersama anak.

Saya ingat sebuah artikel di majalah Good Housekeeping yang pernah saya baca, berjudul “Antara Orangtua, Anak, dan Gadget,” yang ditulis oleh Maharani Indri. Artikel itu sangat menarik perhatian saya karena memaparkan apa yang terjadi di otak saat seseorang sedang bermain gadget. Otak akan berada dalam keadaan survival mode, di mana bagian otak yang cenderung aktif adalah batang otak, atau otak reptil.

Fungsi bagian otak ini, salah satunya, adalah mengontrol reaksi insting dalam keadaan bahaya atau terancam. Seperti alasan marah, terancam atau tidak nyaman ketika seseorang mendekati[1].  Respon dari insting ini akan berwujud fight and flight emotions, di mana wujud reaksi akan berupa menyerang (fight), atau bersikap tidak peduli (flee).

Yang membuat miris, artikel ini menyatakan hasil survei terhadap sekian ratus anak kelas 4 dan 5 SD, di mana 5 dari 10 anak mengatakan orangtua mudah marah kalau sedang memegang gadget. Ini menjadikan anak merasa takut untuk mengganggu orangtua. Sehingga lalu enggan untuk berinteraksi.
Saya kutip dari artikel tadi,

“Saat kondisi otak berada dalam survival mode, kita cenderung memandang semua orang sebagai musuh, terutama bila merasa terganggu, termasuk oleh anak kita sendiri.”

Padahal, dalam tatanan jangka panjang, kita bisa membayangkan jika anak merasa tidak nyaman berinteraksi dengan orangtua. Hubungan emosi antara anak dan orangtua akan menjadi sangat rapuh.

Psikolog Aric Sigman, juga telah mengingatkan para orangtua akan bahaya “passive parenting” dan “being neglect” (pengabaian jinak) yang disebabkan oleh ketergantungan orangtua terhadap gadget [2].  Ia menyarankan agar televisi sama sekali tidak ‘disajikan’ kepada toddler, dan dibatasi penggunaannya untuk anak-anak yang lebih besar. Lebih lanjut, menurutnya, risiko bagi anak dari orang tua yang menjadikan teknologi digital sebagai ‘babysitter’ adalah, bahaya kesehatan seperti obesitas, tingginya kadar kolesterol dan tekanan darah, kurangnya konsentrasi, penurunan kemampuan dalam matematika dan membaca, juga gangguan tidur dan autisme.

Meskipun memang tidak mungkin untuk mengeliminasi secara menyeluruh kehadiran gadget dari kehidupan kita dan anak, tapi setidaknya kita dapat berusaha mengurangi dampak negatifnya terhadap anak-anak kita. Misalnya dengan cara:

1. Mengatur waktu penggunaan gadget oleh anak, dan diri kita sendiri.
2. Membatasi jenis aplikasi, maupun tontonan dan game yang dapat diakses oleh anak.
3. Memonitor penggunaan gadget dan alat elektronik lain oleh anak.
4. Mengatur waktu khusus untuk berinteraksi tanpa gadget bersama keluarga.
5. Membentuk komunikasi yang efektif dengan anak, dengan menunjukkan atensi sepenuhnya kepada anak, dan dengan menanyakan pendapatnya terhadap konten dan pengalaman yang ditemuinya dari tontonan, game, atau aplikasi internet.

Jadi, mari kita mulai meletakkan gadget saat bersama anak dan tatap matanya ketika berbicara :)

*thumbnail dari sini

i wanna be french

Bringing Up Bébé: Membesarkan Anak Gaya Perancis

by vanshe — Wednesday, May 1st, 2013 at 7:30 am

in Books / Movies / TVshow / Music / Web, Parenting

 

Saat sedang berjalan-jalan ke toko buku, tanpa sengaja saya melihat buku Bringing Up Bébé tersampir di rak. Buku ini familiar di telinga saya, karena pada beberapa kesempatan, saya menjumpai pujian dan juga ulasan tentang buku yang pernah masuk ke jajaran New York Times Bestseller ini.

Buku ini memuat kisah sang penulis, Pamela Druckerman, seorang berkebangsaan Amerika Serikat (AS), yang kebetulan tinggal di Paris, Perancis, setelah menikah. Setelah melahirkan putrinya yang pertama, ia menyadari bahwa perilaku anaknya berbeda dari anak-anak Perancis yang ia temui di tempat-tempat umum seperti restoran, atau playground.

Ketika sedang makan di restoran, anak-anak Perancis mau duduk di highchair dengan tenang, menunggu dengan sabar  satu demi satu hidangan mulai dari pembuka hingga desert, dan mereka dengan lahap memakan ikan dan sayuran! Pamela merasa takjub, dan bertanya “How do these Frenchs do that?”
Orang-orang Perancis yang ia kenal juga tidak pernah terburu-buru memutus percakapan di telepon hanya karena anaknya menuntut sesuatu. Mereka juga tidak mengubah ruangan di rumahnya menjadi penuh dengan mainan anak.

Beranjak dari situ, ia memulai observasinya atas “what French people do differently” dan menuangkannya di buku ini.
Beberapa hal yang Druckerman temukan, dan menurut saya sangat berharga untuk mejadi insight kepada para ibu di manapun di antaranya,

• Sementara kelas menengah di AS mengalami masalah parenting berupa ‘overparenting‘ atau ‘hyperparenting‘, yang didasari pemahaman bahwa anak-anak adalah mahluk yang rapuh baik dari fisik maupun mental, parenting di Perancis didasari oleh prinsip menyeimbangkan peran.
Bagaimana maksudnya? Hal yang berbeda terjadi di Perancis, para orang tua melakukan pengasuhan tanpa kehilangan identitas. Sudut pandang yang dipakai adalah bagaimana mencapai keseimbangan antara peran sebagai ibu, istri, dan pribadi.

 

• Terkait dengan poin pertama, orang Perancis percaya, dan menerapkan, batasan.
Mereka percaya bahwa bahkan sejak bayi, anak-anak adalah mahluk rasional yang bisa melatih self-control. Batasan itu bahkan diperlukan oleh anak agar mereka tahu apa yang diharapkan dari dirinya.Di sini, Druckerman membeberkan dengan detil penerapan batasan untuk anak dalam dalam sleep training, jadwal makan, dan ritual keluarga. Dengan memercayai bahwa bayi memahami segalanya, termasuk batasan, secara tidak langsung itu memberikan kepercayaan diri kepada anak, dan membantu menyusun irama pengasuhan yang cocok dan saling menghargai antara anak dan orang tua.


• Perempuan Perancis juga tidak merasa bersalah atas segala hal. Sementara perempuan AS seolah memercayai bahwa seiring dengan kehamilan, juga tiba segenap pe-er yang harus dikerjakan dengan sempurna.
Hal ini dijelaskan melalui pengalaman Druckerman sendiri, yang ketika menyadari bahwa ia hamil, segera membeli begitu banyak buku dan membaca situs tentang kehamilan. Dari buku-buku dan situs-situs Amerika itu, ia mendapat begitu banyak informasi sekaligus daftar panjang “what to do and not to do.“Sementara temannya perempuan Perancis berkata, “These books can be useful to people who lack confidence, but I don’t think you can raise a child while reading a book. You have to go with your feeling.”
Teman yang sama juga bercerita bahwa dokter kandungannya tidak melarang ia memakan apapun, selama dalam batas wajar.

Terkait dengan makan-memakan, Druckerman juga menyoroti bagaimana “French women don’t get fat.” Bahkan ketika hamil, rata-rata perempuan Perancis seperti tidak terlihat sedang hamil jika dilihat dari belakang. Druckerman melihat bahwa perempuan Perancis memiliki support system berupa keluarga dan teman yang dengan terbuka mengulang-ulang pesan bahwa kehamilan tidak berarti akses bebas untuk makan dengan porsi berlebih. Wanita hamil harus makan dengan porsi ‘balanced meals‘ yang sama dengan orang dewasa lain. ‘Food craving‘ atau ngidam juga dianggap sebagai gangguan yang harus dikalahkan.

Membaca buku yang disebut Druckerman sebagai memoar ini, membuat saya sadar bahwa selama ini, gaya parenting di Indonesia terasa sangat ‘berkiblat’ ke AS. Tidak hanya karena beberapa kutipan membuat saya tertawa dalam hati karena terasa sangat familiar ditemui selama saya sendiri hamil lantas menjadi ibu. Tapi juga karena buku-buku kehamilan dan parenting yang banyak beredar di Indonesia, serta situs yang kerap dipakai sebagai referensi, berasal dari AS. Padahal metode parenting di AS tidak bebas masalah, seperti yang Druckerman paparkan di buku ini.
Namun, buku ini tidak serta-merta mencap buruk metode parenting ala AS. Sebagai orang tua dan “konsumen” ilmu parenting, alangkah baiknya jika kita mulai melirik metode parenting dari belahan negara lain dengan kulturnya yang berbeda. Seperti saya, yang telah menemukan banyak hal dan cara pandang baru ketika membaca buku ini.

“To be a different kind of parent, you don’t just need a different parenting philosophy. You need a very different view of what a child actually is.” – Pamela Druckerman, Bringing Up Bébé.

*gambar dari sini dan sini

she and her

My Mom and I

by vanshe — Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013 at 7:30 am

in Love Actually, Working Mommies

Di hari Selasa yang sudah tidak terlalu pagi, saya berdiri di depan kitchen sink, mencuci beberapa piring yang habis digunakan memasak. Selagi memperhatikan busa terbasuh air dan meluncur ke lubang pembuangan, pikiran saya meloncat dari satu ke lain hal, sampai lalu hinggap di ingatan tentang ibu. Ibu saya, sang wanita pekerja, yang kini menjalani hari-hari berjudul ‘pensiun’.

Segera saja terpikir, what is she doing right now?

Pikiran menjawab, kemungkinan sedang melakukan hal yang sama dengan saya, kalau tidak mencuci piring, ya, membersihkan rumah.

Lalu, pikiran saya mengajak menerawang lebih dalam. Saat ibu seusia saya, dua puluh tahunan, apakah mungkin dia sedang melakukan hal yang sama? Berada di rumah, dan mencuci piring pada suatu siang di hari kerja?

I know she didn’t.

Ibu dan saya memiliki kemiripan secara fisik, meski hanya kentara kalau orang menatap kami setelah beberapa saat. Tidak hanya mirip wajah, watak kami juga seringkali sebangun.



Kami sama-sama ekspresif, tidak bisa menyembunyikan emosi yang sedang dirasakan. Beberapa orang menyebutnya “meledak-ledak,” karena kalau kami suka sesuatu, kami akan sibuk menyanjungnya. Kalau kami kesal, kami menumpahkannya. :))

Tapi, kami juga tidak mendendam. Entah hal ini saya contoh dari ibu atau bukan, tapi memang begitu rasa kesal atau tidak suka sudah ditumpahkan, kami akan bersikap normal dan tidak bersungut-sungut sampai berminggu-minggu.

Hal lain yang saya harap juga mirip dengan ibu, adalah kecenderungannya doing literally anything for the ones she loves. Saya ingat setelah menjalani operasi caesar, ibu membopong saya yang tertatih-tatih ke kamar mandi, menunggui saya, dan berjongkok memakaikan underwear saya. Saya rikuh tapi juga terharu, karena saya yang sebesar ini masih saja bisa diasuh olehnya.

Tapi, kami dibesarkan di lingkungan dan cara yang berbeda.
Saya besar dengan ayah yang setia mendampingi ibu dan kami anak-anaknya, dan ketika saya kuliah, ayah berkata dia memberikan saya pendidikan setinggi S1 bukan semata agar saya bisa mencari uang. Tapi agar kelak saya bisa mengasuh anak-anak saya dengan pengetahuan dan exposure pendidikan S1.
Unfortunately, my mom didn’t have that kind of blessing.
Dia dibesarkan oleh ibu dan neneknya yang juga mandiri dan pemberani. Di usia muda, ibu memilih merantau, worked her way to the top, dan bekerja keras untuk memberikan kehidupan yang nyaman bagi keluarganya.

Kami juga hidup di masa yang berbeda.
Ibu saya bekerja dari pukul 6 sampai 3 sore. Meskipun selalu ada asisten rumah tangga, tapi setiap hari ibu memandikan kami, makan malam bersama kami, dan menemani kami belajar.
Meski bekerja, ibu mengenal hampir semua teman dekat kami. Jika ada yang menelpon ke rumah, dia selalu menyempatkan diri ‘sok akrab’ (padahal maksudnya interogasi terselubung). Dulu saya sebal sekali kalau ibu melakukan ini. Tapi sekarang, saya mengerti alasannya.
Kini, saya merasa waktu yang saya berikan untuk keluarga sangat timpang dibandingkan dengan kewajiban saya sebagai pekerja. Saya tidak bisa memandikan anak saya di sore hari, makan malam bersamapun sesekali saja. Bagaimana saya bisa membantunya belajar kalau begitu sampai di rumah saya sudah ingin buru-buru bertemu kasur? Tentu ada hal yang harus diseimbangkan, baik di segi ekspektasi, maupun peran.
Saya juga tak akan bisa sok akrab di telpon dengan teman-teman anak saya kelak – kesempatan istimewa yang ibu saya miliki. Karena, who still makes phone calls nowadays? Apalagi ke telepon rumah. Selain telemarketer, dan pemberi tawaran pekerjaan, mungkin, hehe.

Kembali ke saat ini, pada akhirnya kami mengambil pilihan yang berbeda.
Ibu berstatus working mom sampai akhir masa kerjanya. Sementara saya memilih mundur dari pekerjaan setelah delapan tahun berstatus pegawai.

Being the kind of mom that she is, my mom was worried when I told her I wanted to quit my job. Adik saya bahkan berkata bahwa ibu tidak bisa tidur selama berhari-hari setelah saya sampaikan rencana itu.
Ketika bertemu langsung, ibu juga kerap curhat tentang kekhawatirannya kepada saya. Ada hal-hal realistis yang memang menjadi reminder dan perlu saya upayakan, tapi ada juga hal-hal yang menurut saya kurang rasional hingga membuat saya defensif. Awalnya saya jadi agak segan ngobrol dengan ibu. Tapi setelah beberapa saat, saya sadari bahwa kekhawatiran itu adalah wujud cintanya.

To understand her point of view is to know her history and her side of the story.
Pilihan untuk tidak bekerja tidak pernah terlintas di benak ibu saat dia seusia saya.
Kami dibesarkan dengan cara yang berbeda. Kami tumbuh di masa yang berbeda. Begitupun tantangan yang kami hadapi. Dulu dunia hanya ‘selebar daun kelor’. Kini, dunia tanpa batas terbentang untuk anak-anak kami. Dulu, bahasa asing baru diajarkan di ujung tingkat sekolah dasar. Kini, anak-anak kami dihadapkan pada kebutuhan untuk membaur dan unggul di level internasional (sekalipun hanya dalam hal bahasa).

Setelah sekian bulan bergelut dengan kekhawatiran ibu sekaligus kekalutan diri sendiri, di sinilah saya, mencuci piring pada suatu siang di hari kerja. :D
Saya memang sudah berada di rumah, tapi pe-er saya masih menumpuk, terutama dalam hal mendidik anak.
Tapi, yang lebih membuat saya bersyukur dan lebih ‘kokoh’ adalah dukungan ibu yang mau memahami pilihan saya, yang jauh berbeda dengannya itu. Pada suatu pertemuan, hati saya hangat ketika mendengar ibu berkata, “Udahlah kak, kamu di rumah aja ngurus Bumy.”
Wujud cintanya yang berupa pengertian, dan juga kekhawatiran tak berkesudahan.

*gambar dari sini

My mom and I, we are so different, yet also very much alike.
Untuk pilihan yang berbeda ini, saya harap kelak bisa mencontoh rasa pengertiannya yang begitu besar terhadap pilihan anak-anaknya.

“Didiklah anak-anakmu sesuai zamannya, karena mereka kelak akan hidup pada zaman yang berbeda dengan zamanmu” – Umar bin Khattab (keterangan sumber kutipan di sini).

best day(s)

i had a blast. the time of my life. a dream come true. an item crossed off from bucket list. and whateveryoumaycallit when something you wait for so long finally happens.

:) --> that, is an ear-to-ear winning smile.

when i heard blur would be playing at coachella, i declared rather dreamily and pathetically: "to coachella i shall come! let it be my 2013 resolution!"

and not long after that, there's another news for blur to be playing at tokyo rocks festival. so i revised my 'resolution': tokyo. 2013.

i walked a little farther for this one. i browsed airplane tickets, and even searched for hotels.

but my conscious alarm dinged and dinged as i saw how the numbers kept adding up. and it also reminded me how i planned april 2013 as the due date of my resignation.

so i shove the idea to the side. so long tokyo, so long blur, maybe we'd meet in a better place and time.

until one day on february, a friend mentioned me on a tweet about the possibility of blur coming here. HERE. jakarta, indonesia. my heart skipped a beat when i read that.

the following day, the news was confirmed. yes, they would be coming, on may 15th.

i took a deep breath. and couldn't believe my luck.

first i watched weeezer, and now i would watch them, yes them BLUR, the one band whose pictures hanging on my sides of my bedroom wall. the one i made kliping for :)) the one band whose songs and lyrics i know by heart. i even rekindled my love for them again (after i thought the love had gone since they kicked coxon out), in the relentless search of my own true identity. and one of the results of that search is how they are a part of my identity.

so that may 15th, on 21:00, i finally saw them, performing, with my own two eyes.

i thought i wouldn't able to breathe. well, some people did pass out because it was a hot night and people were packed so tightly to the front rows. but i've been hyperventilating and dizzy since the beginning of the night. hell, i even stressed out two weeks before the event. i checked my health over and over, being an obsessive delusional freak that i am, afraid that i might need to have an appendicitis surgery. i prayed that if i did need that surgery, it would be before may 15th. and i would have been able to stand up for the show.

i *just* couldn't take it easily.

the day eventually came. and there i was, earlier on D-Day, checking out my reflection and my wide smile on the mirror. "oh my baby, oh my baby. oh i... oh my!" i sang. my heart beat faster. i made myself promise that i would NOT faint or do anything that i might regret.

so i tried to take it easily.

i reminded myself that yes, i love them. their music. their story.

but i don't worship them or see them as an almost-Godly creatures. it's their music that spoke and still speaks to me. so help me God, i will not faint!

i got to the venue on 3:45 pm. i tried to listen to vanshe. and then i distracted my nervousness with eating. only to find i could not digest rice.

when tegan & sara were on stage, i felt the blood to start rushing to my head. i love their music. i sang their songs on top of lung. when "you wouldn't like me" was played, i suddenly felt like crying. and i started to hyperventilate.

during the temper trap, i tried to watch them but ended up reading tweets from my phone. i had to distract myself from the tension. my hands were cold. my breaths felt shorter and quicker. and then dougy mandagi waved goodbye. the backdrop changed into what i know as "under the westway." something was pounding on my head. i cursed myself, "not now, you freak!"  

i was still looking at my phone when i heard "theme from retro." and then i saw them. four guys for whom i created long and crazy fanfictions. through whose music i feel understood and voiced since my troublesome youth. 

i yelled their names but my voice was sunk under hundreds of decibels of people's screams. i waved my hands up in the air, jumped as high as i could, and tried to hold on in the crazy-hot and tightly-packed crowd as long as i could.

i smiled all the way through "girls & boys" because finally we, blur fans in indonesia, could have a glimpse of what it feels like to be 'greeted' by them with the song.

i smiled wider when "popscene" was played because my friend vita tweeted the lyrics that morning and hummed it all the way from fx to lapangan D senayan.

when "there's no other way" was played, i turned my head around and watched people behind me jumping and singing with wide grins on their faces.

when "badhead" was played, i couldn't believe my luck. i sang it while closing my eyes and catching glimpses of days when i tried to cope with bad days by listening to the song, for years and years now!

when "beetlebum" was played, i couldn't wait to hear the part where graham would go crazy with his guitar at the latter part of the song. .

and then there was "out of time." i screamed the lyrics so loud. never thought i'd do that. with the song being so beautiful and melancholic i always gazed outside the window every time i heard it.

and then "trimbb trabb," "caramel," "coffee & tv," "tender," "country house," "parklife." damon started to reach out to us. the thing i knew only he would do! it made me smile understandingly.

and then there's the guitar sound which felt so familiar, to my ears and to my heart. it's "end of the century." i always have a special fondness for the song. another song with catchy tunes and ever-so-meaningful and a-kick-in-the-gut-for-loneliness-in-modern-life lyrics. i laughed as i noticed damon changed the lyrics to "and the mind gets dirty / as you get closer... to fifty." 

after that, it's "death of a party." i looked at the sky, and then closed my eyes. the song felt so enigmatic and enchanting. i felt the atmosphere of the field. people with their hands up in the air. the smell of sweat, and contentment. it's a lot like love, everywhere in the air. 

to make it even more distressing (albeit in a delightful way), "this is a low" soon followed. another beautiful and one of my ultimate favorites. i smirked a little remembering the 15-year-old me, captivated by the sorrow ambiance and beautiful melody, looking at the dictionary to find meanings and names of places damon sang in the song.

soon afterwards, "under the westway," and "for tomorrow" followed. 

finally, there was "the universal." i felt goosebumps all over my body.

when damon sang, "says tomorrow's your lucky day" i scoffed. and then, "well, here's your lucky day / it really really really could happen / yes it really really really could happen." i was finally reduced in tears.

finally. the waiting has paid off.

as the song ended, i knew it was nearer to goodbye. "song 2" felt like they were bidding adieu to us. i jumped all the way through the song.

when they left the stage, i sighed. hugged my friends. not wiping my tears and my sweat. knowing it's one of very momentous events i'm gonna remember everlastingly.

thank you blur, for giving me "a little sparkle," the "cuddle," the sense of "glowing in a huddle." that night IS our "end of a century." unless this one is ever-so-special :)

and i totally agree with you, gra <3

perfect

"Just a perfect day
Drink Sangria in the park
And then later
When it gets dark, we go home

Just a perfect day
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later
A movie, too, and then home

Oh, it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spent it with you
Oh, such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

Just a perfect day
Problems all left alone
Weekenders on our own
It's such fun

Just a perfect day
You made me forget myself
I thought I was
Someone else, someone good

Oh, it's such a perfect day
I'm glad I spent it with you
Oh, such a perfect day
You just keep me hanging on
You just keep me hanging on

You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow
You're going to reap just what you sow"

...and such a perfect morning to start it with "battery in your leg."

 

something about the money

knowing my passion over "money" (hahha, who doesn't have that 'passion'?!), it's only understandable if i would like to write the recent contemplation i have regarding it. but this time, it's in regards with my status transformation: from a person who once contributed money to the household, to a person who now merely spends it.

gue pernah menulis tentang dilema gue seputar gaji pamungkas dari kantor. dilema yang gue rasakan adalah apakah gue mau bertindak responsible dengan berkontribusi kepada tujuan finansial keluarga?
atau, bertindak agak sentimental, dengan membelanjakannya untuk membeli sesuatu yang menjadi "simbol" titik balik perubahan status gue, sekaligus reward untuk diri sendiri?

mari kita flash back dulu ke 5 tahun 2 bulan lalu, ketika gue pertama kali masuk tlkm.

kebetulan gue diterima di tlkm dua bulan setelah menikah. tempat kerja baru, nominal gaji baru, penganten baru. gimana enggak euforia?! jadilah gue 'merayakan' momen dan segala hal baru itu dengan... nyicil mobil.
tanpa bekal pengetahuan finansial sama sekali, keputusan tersebut berujung pada cicilan mobil yang menghabiskan 80% dari gaji bulanan gue. prokprokprok! mantap! ...dodolnya.

lambat laun, keinginan dan kebutuhan rumah tangga kami meningkat. bukan cuma karena punya anak, tapi juga karena kita mulai nyicil KPR. untungnya adit dapat benefit sebagai karyawan bank, karena itu memungkinkan kita mendapat rate interest KPR yang jauuh lebih rendah dari customer biasa, dan nominalnya juga fixed. meski begitu, kondisi cashflow bulanan kami tetap ngap-ngapan, karena selain kebutuhan rumah tangga bertambah untuk anak, juga karena sekarang cicilan ada dua, bok.
therefore, i felt like i needed to push our financial condition hard to the limit. gue mewajibkan kita bisa bayar cicilan tiap bulan, bayar penuh penggunaan kartu kredit tiap bulan, DAN menyisihkan 30% gaji untuk investasi dana pendidikan bumy. ambisius abis!

kondisi tersebut tentunya nggak memungkinkan gue untuk bisa sering belanja hal-hal yang khas perempuan. bahkan nggak memungkinkan untuk bisa belanja 'hedon' sama sekali (.___.)

was i happy with that? did we even feel better because of that?
pastinya enggak sih. but noone said a thing. adit didn't even correct me and my policies.

sampai lalu kami memutuskan untuk memakai jasa financial planner. ketika mbak planner mereview cashflow bulanan kita, dia sampai terkesiap. "bok, kalian yakin nih mau hidup ketat begini? gimana mau menikmati gaji?"
bagusnya, komentar dia itu ditindaklanjuti dengan memberikan kita solusi berupa cashflow bulanan dan TAHUNAN yang lebih fleksibel. what we couldn't penuhi on monthly basis, we could make up with our yearly income. d'oh, itu nggak pernah kepikiran sebelumnya.
praise the Lord i went to QM. hati jadi lebih ringan, kepala juga nggak mumet karena seolah udah di"sah"kan kalo belanja tuh boleh aja kok, bahkan perlu! :')

berkat saran dari planner, gue jadi bisa belanja hal-hal yang agak 'hedon.' tanpa rasa bersalah juga. tapi, semakin tua (:P) nafsu gue untuk belanja baju-tas-sepatu-makeup-onderdilapalah malah berkurang. gue jadi cenderung mikir "perlu nggak sih?" sebelum gue belanja untuk diri sendiri. pertanyaan itu seringnya dijawab dengan "enggak deh ah."
was i happy with that?
well, berkat keengganan gue belanja personal, duitnya jadi bisa dialokasikan untuk pos-pos lain sih. kayak ngisi rumah, benerin rumah karawaci yang bocor, pasang kanopi, dsb, dsb. and i was satisfied with that.

fast forward to three years later, ketika gue mulai mempertimbangkan masak-masak keputusan untuk berhenti kerja. mempertimbangkan di sini maksudnya bener-bener ngitung dan nyusun financial plan baru. gue tahu dan sadari kalau gue nggak akan jadi ibu rumah tangga yang hidup 'mewah'. yang pakai sopir, keluar negri untuk shopping, atau arisan dengan nominal jutaan. but i was okay with it. i still am. karena gue tau dari awal nggak nikah sama hartawan (tapi suatu hari akan jadi hartawan? hehehhee... amin) :)))
what we have now is enough. nggak berlebih-lebihan, tapi alhamdulillah nggak kekurangan.

orang yang dengar keinginan (dan ujungnya keputusan) gue untuk berhenti kerja, otomatis selalu nanya, "trus nanti mau ngapain di rumah?" mereka selalu nebak jawabannya bisnis, atau bahkan kerja di tempat lain. gue jawab "mau di rumah aja. ngurus anak." dan mereka hampir selalu mengernyit. heran. seolah bilang, "kok mau jadi nggak produktif?"
tentunya ukuran yang mereka pakai di sini ya ekonomi.

gue sama sekali nggak berencana untuk kerja di tempat lain. i just want to be at home. yes, i don't make any money that way. tapi apa waktu dan keberadaan untuk keluarga perlu dikaitkan dengan nominal secara ekonomi? some things are just illogical, and can't be measured with money.

kembali ke pertanyaan awal tadi, gaji pamungkas gue mau diapain, jawabannya: kalau bisa ya dua-duanya, hehehe. sekarang, gue merasa lebih 'enteng' untuk belanja baju-tas-sepatu, karena toh gue udah berkontribusi semaksimal mungkin untuk kemaslahatan keluarga selama gue bekerja.
di sisi lain, gue juga merasa it's an honour kalo, for once more, income gue bisa dipakai untuk pasang kanopi, dan beli water heater. hahah.

karena kayak kata suze orman, 

"money flows through our lives just like water - at times plentiful, at times a trickle. i believe that each one of us, in effect, a glass, in that we can hold only so much; after that, the water - or the money - just goes down the drain. some of us are larger glasses, some of us smaller, but we all have the capacity to receive plenty more than we need if we allow it.
when you make an offering, the glass will be filled again and again and again."

so now, i would like to think that my resignation from work, my stopping-to-contribute-in-the-form-of-money, as a piece of offering. some thing i give away to receive more. mungkin wujud yang akan insya Allah gue terima itu nggak selalu berwujud uang, tapi ketenangan hati dan barokah untuk keluarga (amin).
tapiii, tentunya berharap doang tanpa ngejalanin dengan bener tiada gunanya.
dengan peran gue dalam urusan finansial yang sekarang bebannya yang lebih berat ini (menghasilkan enggak, ngabisin iye), gue ngerasa wajar aja kalo tiap akhir bulan gue perlu mempertanggungjawabkannya ke adit. the sole bread winner. gue juga harus lebih pinter spending, dan nyari keran penghasilan kalo bisa (tanpa berbisnis dan kerja di tempat lain. hayoh, pe-er gak tuh?!).

well... i know this post has no coherrent message not even a good narration. i just hope, in a way, this could give an insight for those who want to become a SAHM but still need reassurance to actually do it. that people will chase after you with their tricky questions. and you will face dillemmas. and nothing like happy-go-lucky ever after in the real world if you're not born with loads of money. but you also need to have the gut because noone can predict the weather. jadi ya, begitulah... balik lagi ke niat, hehehe (standar abis).

gravity always wins.

to even begin to write about this is a bit outlandish for me. i never put any special concern for beauty, and fashion, and all those girly stuff. it actually hit me a few weeks earlier, when i met my friend, Kiti Yunita Uga, MD. we talked about how we'll no longer be members of the 20-something club (amin). among our chatter about love, life, and dreams, suddenly the beauty issue was blurted out. we treaded upon the dark, secretive, foreign land (at least for me!) called "anti-aging." good Lord, i hate the words it consisted of already! why defy something that is bound to happen? even uttering the words make me think about the lack of self-esteem, and the hopeless effort to fight nature.

i said to kiti, "do we need it? anti-aging products and stuff?" i obviously expected a supportive "na'ah! it's BS produced by consumerism and big beauty products manufacturers!"

instead, kiti answered me rather eagerly, "of course we do!" and then she explained why women our age (*gulps*) need to maintain the youth of our skin, etc. i was a bit disappointed. why? because i no longer have the ground for my laziness to even wash my face before i go to sleep. i have to be responsible to take care of my skin and strive for its well-maintained youth. not to mention, those products tend to be expensive. so more and more "disadvantages" for me.

but the promise for a healthy, youthful skin? isn't that enough reason to start caring for my skin?
so i relented. i tried to be diligent about putting on skincare products. somehow i managed to have my own skincare "routine." i haven't yet purchased any anti-aging products because, being a 'careful' consumer that i am (except when it comes to books, i guess), i still think i need to do more "research" that's suitable for me. skintype-wise, and price-wise.

so far, this is what i apply on my face.

morning:

• kiehl's rare earth deep pore cleanser
• kiehl's rare earth pore refining toner
• kiehl's rare earth pore minimizing moisturizer
• the body shop vitamin c skin boost
• kate bb gel with SPF 30 PA++

(segini aja rasanya udah ruempong banget)

night:

• makeup cleanser
• hada labo shirojyun facewash or that one with aha/bha
• hada labo shirojyun toner
• hada labo shirojyun whitening essence

few times a week:

• kiehl's epidermal re-texturizing micro-dermabrasion

nothing so special, huh? i don't have some kind of special regiment in my skincare routine, for anti-aging, especially.
that's why the result is not so special either.
i still have acnes. and my skintone is still not even. i still have black spots.
i read this blogpost here and i think my face's problem is like her "before" condition. even worse :(
my problems are now adding up. first it's the acne, and then the black spots, and now, anti-aging concern. guess this is what i have to pay for procrastinating.

after some time browsing, er i mean researching, i think i need

• to visit a beauty treatment center. i opt for Miracle Aesthetics, but still haven't made the visit. i read blogs reviewing the treatment. i'm particularly interested in acne & post-acne facial and chemical/whitening peeling.
• of course, anti-aging product with retinol-A. still can't decide which brand i'd choose for this. i've tried Estee Lauder's ANR but it failed me. on my watchlist are Shiseido, SK-II, and L'ancome. although i prefer asian brand for some reasons, but i still keep my options open.
• paula's choice products. my eyes are on their super antioxidant concentrate serum. and also her BHA concentrate products.

well, i think for now i can only 
- keep doing what i do. at least none of those products i'm using causing breakouts or anything.
- ask for samples for those pricey anti-aging products??
- hope for any suggestion from those with more experience ;) kasih saran doong!

words that came like a surprise ice.

• "imagine there isn't your sister. what a loss, right? and you'd be a different person. that's how i know one day you'd want another child."

• "okelah dia bolak-balik curhat ke kita. tapi apa dia pernah minta saran? jangan pernah kasih saran kalo gak diminta."

• "ever had that moment when you pronounce a word over and over that it feels funny on your tongue? and you slice the syllables it feels like you're ruining the real meaning of the word? that's how i live my life. i slice life into moments, and then i repetitively investigate the reason of why one single moment should happen over and over,  not knowing that i ruin it completely and miss the whole point of living."

• "kalau untuk hal yang 'konsumtif,' selalu percaya ada aja rejekinya. tapi kalau untuk 'melepas,' kok gak percaya juga akan ada aja rejekinya?"

• "so what do you do now after the resignation? watch concerts?" 

the art of getting by

i mentioned here, that i had an "emo" episode the other day, triggered by bumy's accident (*sigh*) and also my feeling suck at time-management and doing consistent routines for bumy. fortunately, it ended up a bit productive. if i may say so.
because we came up with the idea of listing down the "problems" and then we brainstormed about the solutions.
what are they, really?

1. i feel the need to upgrade my parenting "skill." because bumy's development in terms of emotional and behavior is getting more and mooore CHALLENGING. whew.
i myself have been the long-bearer of impulsiveness. i also have the tendency to be anxious if i feel like i lose control of the situation. and with bumy, i feel like losing the control every time he 'acts up' or just being not cooperative.
thus, with all these shortcomings and lack of "skills," i face the problem to control my emotions right and, at the same time, facilitate my kid's development. this needs guidance. yet the need to find a guide, holds a problem of its own.
recent events have brought me to the debate over which "expert" is the best one. it's okay to have a pro-con list, but i don't feel okay to bash a person because he or she has shortcomings. i mean, we are, in terms of parenting skill, customers of what those experts have to offer. you choose what's suitable for you. but there's no need to badmouth a seller you don't like. unless you've suffered real disadvantages.
 

 as ruwet as it may sound, i feel a bit down because of all this. there's a tension within to get hold of a parenting skill that works, that's effective. i find myself "lost" again, amidst the stream endless methods and opinions. just like when i first became a mom.
i know i need to overcome this confusion and overwhelming feeling....
solutions:

• manage my expectations. easier said than done obviously.
• stop bumy's daycare membership per june. i need to work on establishing daily routines and spend moreee time with bumy so we can "synchronize."
• the more you read the more you know, is the adage. but be mindful to do it with your mind open wide and your heart strong, not easily intimidated. i need to repeat this line over and over to myself.

2. i need to put my best to manifest the daily routine schedule and family menu.
solution: print those schedule and menu and put in where i can see them.

3. find people to do house chores and to take care of our garden.
solution: get a part-time ART and hire tukang kebun monthly.

4. make our house more functional (effective and efficient for bumy's and my daily activities), and more child-friendly in terms of safety.
this is the first time for our family to live in two-storey house. downstairs, there's no room. that's why i always feel anxious when i cook or in the bathroom because i can't always monitor bumy. the kid himself has already mastered the skill of unlocking the door -___- and he's also getting more and more curious each day.
i also feel my calves hardened as i'm being an IRT. because boy, don't i go up and down and up and down for a hundred times a day. xD that's what the need to be more functional is about.
solutions:

• pasang rantai di pintu utama, and to always take off keys on other doors.
• make a space for bumy's activity while he's downstairs with me.
• facilitate bumy to be able to go the toilet himself and to be involved in my activities.

therefore, this is the reason for our visit to ace last weekend.

meanwhile, adit's input for me is very simple, but a bit irritating. he told me to "jangan tidur terlalu malam." it's irritating because it resembles the kind of advice people make when you have a newborn: "kalo anaknya tidur, ya lo tidur juga." d'oh as if we have a switch to shut our eyes.

but... as the weekend passed, i found myself on monday again. thankfully.
despite being asleep on 12 am, i could get the energy to wake up early. and i don't sleep around leyeh-leyeh afterwards. instead, i went downstairs right away, made breakfast, and cleaned up the house. i had a conversation with adit before he got to work. i walked around the cluster with bumy to soak in the sun. and then i cooked by 10 am. we took a nap (haha) and i took bumy to rimba baca in the afternoon.
this morning, i tried doing the same thing: waking up early and just-do-it. all that needs to be done. 

we had breakfast together around the dining table. i sprayed water for my garden with bumy. i exercised. i cooked. i do one thing at a time. i try to be mindful (set up a lotusbud "mindfulness" alarm, hehe). and i thought, this is exactly what i traded my steady job for.... for the time with the kid, for being at home, at ease.
slowly, my anxiety and lousy feelings fade. they're replaced by the want to try again, and again, and again. i don't have anything figured out. but i do know i want it, i want to be HERE, and wouldn't trade it for anything else.

the herbs i've been trying to grow. they're also my facilitator to practice the idea of "hanya memberi tak harap kembali"

another afternoon at rimba baca

this past week, pt. 2

(continued from this post)

ac/dc, right? as for the "bad" experience i talked about earlier, here they are...(yet another example for a bad introductory sentence)

-  later that day after we went to bumy's school, an accident happened. bumy's head struck the corner of the wall. a bump immediately showed on his forehead. i was panicked as hell. my kid screamed and cried sooo loud.
maybe it's partly because he could sense my being panicked and afraid.
without much of thinking, i grabbed the car key and called up satpam kompleks to accompany me to KMC. oh Lord. it was one of the scariest moment i ever had :((
jalanan macet pula despite it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
alhamdulillah the doctor said bumy's fine. no need to worry no more. but i stiil feel awful. i feel guilty for my negligence :(
i know nothing can fix that incident. i know but i still can't help the awful feeling....

- and then that night, after adit's home and bumy's asleep, adit and i held a family meeting. i told him everythiingg, curhat habis-habisan, pour my emotions on him. because i needed to vent and let go of the
emotions. soon afterwards, we listed down the "problems" and brainstorm about the solutions. i'ma write it down on a whole other post....

- we also hit a "road block" at selling rumah karawaci. something about pemrosesan takeover KPR that's not running smoothly between our bank and the buyer's bank. adit even located a whole day off to go to both banks to find a solution to this problem. to no avail :(
after we spent a few nights talking about this and trying to find a strategy around it, alhamdulillah we were shown a titik cerah hikmah. hehe. nope, still no solution about the KPR takeover. instead, we got a whole new perspective regarding the situation. we have talked about having an active asset. well, maybe this is the door to that opportunity. of course, some adjustments and settlements need to be made (with the buyer and on our financial map), but we *do* hope to get around that (baca: #modalnekat).

- i've also been feeling a bit down myself. feeling sucked at time-management and doing consistent routines for bumy's activity, feeling anxious over little things. and also feeling repulsive over certain things.
like, my writing-course, for which i've been feeling a bit reluctant lately.
i guess it's the teacher's method, that kind of kills the excitement of writing out of impulsiveness for me. she's very organized, and she explained the steps of writing very accurately. she gives boundaries in the form of which is good and which is less.
when i told adit about it, he, being a shiny-optimist that he is, said i should try making it a benefit for my writing "skill."
"that (such well-organized and having-purpose-on-writing method) could expand your ground in terms of writing. you'd write better because now you won't be writing 'just because.'"
or at least now i'd know if what i write would be consider as shit by the big authors....

but i bought his words, as i always do. because he sees the glass half full and i'm the one who would throw that glass across the room.

the past week and the current one also gives me the challenge for finding time to be able to write. not rambling and curhat-ing like this... but as in making articles for MD, huhuh. i don't know why it takes such an effort. maybe because i am in the process of adjusting my roles and schedules, or might as well because i'm such in an emotional whirlwind lately. *deep sigh*

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love."

(Washington Irving)
 

this past week, pt.1

"...has been a strange one, lazy, new, and good and bad.
feelings come and go and change.
ac/dc, good and bad and sad."

hello tuesday, good to see you again. it's ten minutes to one in the afternoon, i'm hoping to get some thoughts poured out on the blog while the kid's asleep.

i'm losing the will to write a more proper introductory lines, so i just go straight to some highlights (read: the good things) from the week. not in any particular order:

- i finally saw BLUR in their own flesh and blood, performing here, in my country. the third world country they said they didn't want to visit back then on the 90's :'))
it was such a thrill.
never thought they would last this long. more than two decades and still going strong, still creating arts.
and never thought they'd finally be in indo.
alhamdulillah, now i'd be able to cross off one item on my bucket list heheh.
 

- in terms of parenting, i think i've reached one new milestone. the one where i've officially paid uang pangkal masuk sekolah for the kid. hehe. we went to the school on friday morning, bayar-bayar, and bumy was told to try on the uniform. the uniform consist of two polo shirts, two pairs of short pants, and a hat.
bumy was soooo excited. he wore the hat all the way since he first had it until it was time to sleep.

he insisted to put on the uniform, even when his pajamas were on

- we had a different kind of weekend. because adit and i got to spend it alone without bumy, who was picked by his grandparents on saturday. that day, the three of us woke up early, and had breakfast near pasar jagakarsa. there's this hawker center. 

afterwards, we went to pejaten area. at first, our destination was lippo kemang. because we wanted to visit ace hardware, do grocery-shopping, and have a shopping session for me, hehe. but, when we're driving near pasar minggu, adit tiba-tiba ngotot kalau di lippo kemang nggak ada ace-nya. i just sighed and told him he's about to be proven wrong -___-
suddenly he spotted ace pejaten, and he said, "nah ada ace nih! ke sini aja ya, daripada nanti nyesel udah sampe lippo kemang trus gak ada ace-nya!" tsk.
but i followed him to ace pejaten anyway. and i surprisingly had a nice shopping experience there. at first, i found it to be impractical because the store has 3-storey sections. but, as soon as i spent more time wandering in it, i think it's the most convenient ace store i've ever been in. the items are placed neatly, and the collections are quite complete. i found some  stuff i couldn't find even at ace GI. and, the aisles are wide enough it felt comfortable to move the trolley around and not to have any other trolley shoving you to the side. the place is also comfy because there wasn't too many visitors. moreover, there's this restaurant, small, with nice decor, friendly waitresses and broad variation of menu, at the ground floor. as it hit 12 pm, we stopped our shopping to have lunch there, and bumy even had his own time to play at the "playground" near the resto.
after we checked out of the place, i just realized we spent more than 3 hours in the store. the longest trip to ace we ever had, haha. and strangely enough, i didn't feel tired or hyperventilated and dizzy as i used to feel every time we visited ace store. even the small one at cinere could do that to me loh! oh well, despite there's no informa at the ace pejaten store, i think we'd love to visit it again for some good and relaxed homeware shopping experience :P

after ace, we thought it's best to just go home and take a nap. so we canceled the plan to go to lippo kemang. at around 3 pm, my mom dad and sister came to our house. it was already in our and their agenda to pick bumy up and have him sleepover at karawaci. bumy was so excited that as soon as his oma arrived he immediately said, "ayo oma kita ke karawaci sekarang aja!" -___-

after bumy and karawaci bunch went, adit and i... continued our nap, hahha. we dosed off 'til maghrib, and then decided, to have our dinner at lippo kemang. yaay! it's officially a date! ohh didn't we feel so young and free, to stroll around at a mall without having to push around a stroller! ;)))
we had our dinner at ootoya. what a nice place with delicious treats to have on our special night. and then suddenly there was a blast. from firecracker show. a huge one that last about 10 minutes, maybe. trus langsung kepikiran bumy, "pasti dia seneng deh kalo diajak ke sini malam minggu depan!"
after dinner, we actually planned to watch a movie. but, i had a more important shopping agenda to find some items to weat at debby's kawinan. adit said it's ok if we skipped the movie, he rather had me shopping there and then, than pulling him to venture other malls the next day.
i had a nice time shopping, found the kind of clutch i've been searching, and also managed to satisfy my infatuation towards the brand stradivarius, hahah. seriously, i think this brand has scooted over pull & bear as my favorite. the collection is more mature than PnB, but not as 'old' and fancy like zara and mango. i love the summer colors, too. i have special love for their shirts and scarves.
 
 it was already 9:45 when we realized we needed to do some grocery-shopping. as we arrived at hypermart, they were already in the process of closing. so we rushed to find some stuff on our list. it's funny, and a bit unsettling, to face the fact that even on our "date", we still needed to do grocery-shopping. oh marriage life.

- on sunday, adit and i drove around in jagakarsa area to find some good breakfast experience. we had bubur ayam, and it was tanpa MSG with delicious sambal. hmm, the longer i live in the new place now, the more i fall for it :)

afterwards, we did kerja bakti at house.
we got to mrican after maghrib, and hit the road again after isya. the rain poured hard when we're on the toll road. turned out that some areas in jakarta barat were flooded. the traffic outside tol dalam kota was bad. so we rode all the way to tol jagorawi(!) to avoid the flood and the traffic jam. while we're driving, suddenly the song "tender" was played on the ipod. i immediately screamed to bumy, "ini lagu yang dimainin di konser kemarin, my!" because he always busily asked me what songs would be played at the concerts i'm about to go to. it's nice to know my kid loveee the song, hahaha. he caught the words "oh my baby oh my baby oh i oh my" well, and sang it together with me. aww i'm at bliss :')

(to be continued) 

what are the youths to do?

debby's kawinan is only two weeks from now.

minggu lalu, technical meetingnya diadain di gedung granadi. gue dateng ke situ bawa bumy instead of adit sang ketua pelaksana, karena he had office meetings and couldn't skip any of it.
adek gue nih nyante abis ngurusin kawinannya. cengengesan mulu kalo ditanya persiapan udah gimana, tapi semuanya emang beres-beres aja sih. badan juga gak didietin sama sekali. malah dikomentarin "wah tambah gemuk ya?" melulu.

seperti layaknya gue dulu, dia juga gak mendokumentasikan persiapan nikahnya lewat blog. alasan gue dulu adalah karena gue ngerasa campur tangan gue terlalu minim. i didn't want a nikahan adat padang. gue maunya nasional, tanpa baju daerah, intimate wedding, with closest friends and relatives only. but that's not what my mom wanted -___-
i don't even keep any of my nikahan photos. semuanya ada di rumah nyokap.
it was silly, i think. adit with powdered face (haha), me with that gile-berat-abis suntiang, and guests whose names nor faces i couldn't remember, except a few.
persiapan nikahan kita juga seadanya, meski ada tegangan-tinggi juga. sering berantem sama adit over stupid things. kayak, whether my mom and his should wear the same songket or not. HHAHAHA. tolol.

my only excitement from all those kehebohan is when we had our honeymoon roadtrip. it was crazy fun and exciting. there's only us, and the road, and strange hotels and places we visited.
we splurged, oh yes we did. hahahha. gak kepikiran untuk save up sebagian. untungnya sih emang sebagian besar uangnya kepake untuk beli mobil. our first car. bekas sih. but it didn't matter.
trus kita tinggal di kosan di ciganjur. kosan sempit tapi berada di lokasi paling nyaman menurut kita saat itu. and then we dreamed, #ngayalbabu kalo pake istilah sekarang, to have a house there, at Ciganjur. "kalo bisa di jalan ini juga beb, enak banget di sini." that dream seemed so unrealistic at the time. karena tempat di mana kosan kita berada kavling gitu, rumahnya gede-gede dengan kebon instead of halaman.

who knew someone would built a cluster on that very road? :)

well, balik ke kawinan debby, she and her beau plan to live at their apartment straight after their wedding. gue dan adit dukung banget rencana mereka itu. jauh-jauuh deh dari rumah nyokap. haha.

sang ketua pelaksana, adit, akhirnya beraksi juga saat rapat panitia di rumah nyokap gue kemarin. sodara baik dari klan padang maupun batak pada dateng. tetangga-tetangga yang deket sama bokap nyokap (and there are many of them. i should take a lesson from that, i guess). temen-temen nyokap. rumah nyokap rame banget hari minggu itu. rapatnya berjalan hampir 3 jam.
adit pede aja nge-lead bapak-bapak dan emak-emak berumur itu, haha. dia emang kebalikan gue banget sih, gue yang overly self-conscious, sementara dia is the person who'd say what he needs to say.
jadi inget pas ngurusin undangan debby tempo hari. tukang undangannya 'kan agak rese gitu, seenaknya ngatur debby dan nyokap gue, baik dari segi harga maupun kemampuan dia men-deliver hasil cetakan. pas adit dateng nemuin si tukang (bapak-bapak mid 40's), dia bilang dengan entengnya,

A: "saya mau ini diilangin nih." (nunjuk nama percetakan si tukang di belakang amplop).
TU: "maksudnya nama percetakan saya?"
A: "iya. kalo mau ditulis ya harganya dikurangin."
TU: (cemberut).

gue langsung jalan keluar pura-pura ngajak bumy cari angin. -____-

kata debby, di pertemuan selanjutnya dengan si tukang undangan, doi nanya ke debby.
TU: "itu yang kemaren siapa sih?" (jutek)
D: "oh kakak ipar saya, pak. emang kenapa?"
TU: "gapapa." (manyun).

rapat panitia kemarin sekaligus jadi ajang kumpul keluarga. seru juga sih, soalnya keluarga gue gak punya acara rutin macam arisan gitu. palingan ketemu pas lebaran, natal or tahun baru. gue jadi mikir, tumben gue 'menikmati' ajang kumpul keluarga begini. biasanya lebih milih salam-salim, setor muka sebentar, trus ngadem di kamar. entah kumpul-kumpulnya yang seru, atau... i've grown wiser? hahahha i wish!

the bride-to-be is the one sitting on the left. looks very stress-free huh?

ah, ini postingan rambling abis. loncat ke sana-sini. in fact, it just popped to my head that i need to find the matching kain jilbab for the kebaya. belum lagi dasi/vest/aksesoris apalah untuk Bumy. what else? senangnya ada alasan buat belanja. 

persiapan sekolah

muke memble-memble

hari jumat lalu, kita datang lagi ke tetum karena diundang untuk pembahasan hasil assessment bumy. gue, adit dan bumy diajak masuk ke ruangan tempat assessment bumy kemarin dilakukan, dan dipertemukan sama bu kepsek, mbak psikolog, dan bu pelaksana pendidikan playgroup.
suasananya terasa formal, dan serius. gue dan adit jadi agak salting juga. setelah sedikit prakata, mbak psikolog langsung membacakan dengan detil hasil assessment bumy. gue kaget dan kagum dengar hasilnya. selain karena tau apa yang bumy udah bisa lakuin maupun perlu dikembangin, juga karena observasi yang semendalam itu.

beberapa faktor yang diobservasi adalah kemampuan sensori, motorik halus, motorik kasar, komunikasi, dan kognitif.dari observasi itu, ditarik kesimpulan dan rekomendasi stimulus bagaimana yang tepat dan diperlukan untuk bumy. di akhir pembacaan hasil assessment, gue dan adit dikasih tau level pendidikan mana yang
tepat untuk bumy saat ini. hasilnya, bumy masuk ke kelas Laut atau playgroup.alhamdulillah.

pertemuan pagi itu berlangsung 40 menit. kita dikasih kesempatan untuk nanya apa aja yang pengen kita ketahui seputar hasil assessment dan lain-lain.
di ujung pertemuan, gue dengan canggung nanya, urusan administrasi dan biaya-biayanya jadi gimana? instead of langsung disodorkan rincian biaya (hehe), bu kepsek bilang kalo nanti gue akan dihubungi sama ibu koordinator penerimaan siswa baru. rincian biaya emang udah dikasih di awal saat kita mau daftar sih, emang kitanya aja yang kebelet mau buru-buru bayar supaya bumy dapet seragam. soalnyaaa, anak tetangga
sebelah rumah sohibnya bumy udah dapet seragam dan seragamnya suka dipake, hahaha. bumy jadi suka nanya, "seragam bumy mana, ma?" haha sabar yaaa.

dan begitulah, satu tahap untuk urusan sekolah udah dilalui. bismillah, semoga kita bisa menjalani kemitraan yang baik dengan sekolah tetum kelak, dan gue bisa konsisten memberikan stimulasi yang tepat untuk bumy di rumah. so excited :)