best day(s)

i had a blast. the time of my life. a dream come true. an item crossed off from bucket list. and whateveryoumaycallit when something you wait for so long finally happens.

:) --> that, is an ear-to-ear winning smile.

when i heard blur would be playing at coachella, i declared rather dreamily and pathetically: "to coachella i shall come! let it be my 2013 resolution!"

and not long after that, there's another news for blur to be playing at tokyo rocks festival. so i revised my 'resolution': tokyo. 2013.

i walked a little farther for this one. i browsed airplane tickets, and even searched for hotels.

but my conscious alarm dinged and dinged as i saw how the numbers kept adding up. and it also reminded me how i planned april 2013 as the due date of my resignation.

so i shove the idea to the side. so long tokyo, so long blur, maybe we'd meet in a better place and time.

until one day on february, a friend mentioned me on a tweet about the possibility of blur coming here. HERE. jakarta, indonesia. my heart skipped a beat when i read that.

the following day, the news was confirmed. yes, they would be coming, on may 15th.

i took a deep breath. and couldn't believe my luck.

first i watched weeezer, and now i would watch them, yes them BLUR, the one band whose pictures hanging on my sides of my bedroom wall. the one i made kliping for :)) the one band whose songs and lyrics i know by heart. i even rekindled my love for them again (after i thought the love had gone since they kicked coxon out), in the relentless search of my own true identity. and one of the results of that search is how they are a part of my identity.

so that may 15th, on 21:00, i finally saw them, performing, with my own two eyes.

i thought i wouldn't able to breathe. well, some people did pass out because it was a hot night and people were packed so tightly to the front rows. but i've been hyperventilating and dizzy since the beginning of the night. hell, i even stressed out two weeks before the event. i checked my health over and over, being an obsessive delusional freak that i am, afraid that i might need to have an appendicitis surgery. i prayed that if i did need that surgery, it would be before may 15th. and i would have been able to stand up for the show.

i *just* couldn't take it easily.

the day eventually came. and there i was, earlier on D-Day, checking out my reflection and my wide smile on the mirror. "oh my baby, oh my baby. oh i... oh my!" i sang. my heart beat faster. i made myself promise that i would NOT faint or do anything that i might regret.

so i tried to take it easily.

i reminded myself that yes, i love them. their music. their story.

but i don't worship them or see them as an almost-Godly creatures. it's their music that spoke and still speaks to me. so help me God, i will not faint!

i got to the venue on 3:45 pm. i tried to listen to vanshe. and then i distracted my nervousness with eating. only to find i could not digest rice.

when tegan & sara were on stage, i felt the blood to start rushing to my head. i love their music. i sang their songs on top of lung. when "you wouldn't like me" was played, i suddenly felt like crying. and i started to hyperventilate.

during the temper trap, i tried to watch them but ended up reading tweets from my phone. i had to distract myself from the tension. my hands were cold. my breaths felt shorter and quicker. and then dougy mandagi waved goodbye. the backdrop changed into what i know as "under the westway." something was pounding on my head. i cursed myself, "not now, you freak!"  

i was still looking at my phone when i heard "theme from retro." and then i saw them. four guys for whom i created long and crazy fanfictions. through whose music i feel understood and voiced since my troublesome youth. 

i yelled their names but my voice was sunk under hundreds of decibels of people's screams. i waved my hands up in the air, jumped as high as i could, and tried to hold on in the crazy-hot and tightly-packed crowd as long as i could.

i smiled all the way through "girls & boys" because finally we, blur fans in indonesia, could have a glimpse of what it feels like to be 'greeted' by them with the song.

i smiled wider when "popscene" was played because my friend vita tweeted the lyrics that morning and hummed it all the way from fx to lapangan D senayan.

when "there's no other way" was played, i turned my head around and watched people behind me jumping and singing with wide grins on their faces.

when "badhead" was played, i couldn't believe my luck. i sang it while closing my eyes and catching glimpses of days when i tried to cope with bad days by listening to the song, for years and years now!

when "beetlebum" was played, i couldn't wait to hear the part where graham would go crazy with his guitar at the latter part of the song. .

and then there was "out of time." i screamed the lyrics so loud. never thought i'd do that. with the song being so beautiful and melancholic i always gazed outside the window every time i heard it.

and then "trimbb trabb," "caramel," "coffee & tv," "tender," "country house," "parklife." damon started to reach out to us. the thing i knew only he would do! it made me smile understandingly.

and then there's the guitar sound which felt so familiar, to my ears and to my heart. it's "end of the century." i always have a special fondness for the song. another song with catchy tunes and ever-so-meaningful and a-kick-in-the-gut-for-loneliness-in-modern-life lyrics. i laughed as i noticed damon changed the lyrics to "and the mind gets dirty / as you get closer... to fifty." 

after that, it's "death of a party." i looked at the sky, and then closed my eyes. the song felt so enigmatic and enchanting. i felt the atmosphere of the field. people with their hands up in the air. the smell of sweat, and contentment. it's a lot like love, everywhere in the air. 

to make it even more distressing (albeit in a delightful way), "this is a low" soon followed. another beautiful and one of my ultimate favorites. i smirked a little remembering the 15-year-old me, captivated by the sorrow ambiance and beautiful melody, looking at the dictionary to find meanings and names of places damon sang in the song.

soon afterwards, "under the westway," and "for tomorrow" followed. 

finally, there was "the universal." i felt goosebumps all over my body.

when damon sang, "says tomorrow's your lucky day" i scoffed. and then, "well, here's your lucky day / it really really really could happen / yes it really really really could happen." i was finally reduced in tears.

finally. the waiting has paid off.

as the song ended, i knew it was nearer to goodbye. "song 2" felt like they were bidding adieu to us. i jumped all the way through the song.

when they left the stage, i sighed. hugged my friends. not wiping my tears and my sweat. knowing it's one of very momentous events i'm gonna remember everlastingly.

thank you blur, for giving me "a little sparkle," the "cuddle," the sense of "glowing in a huddle." that night IS our "end of a century." unless this one is ever-so-special :)

and i totally agree with you, gra <3