december specials: EoH

"let me photograph you in this light, 
in case it is the last time that we might be exactly
like we were before we realized
we were sad of getting old, it made us restless
it was just like a movie, it was just like a song
when we were young..."

kata-kata di lagu ini, mau nggak mau bikin gue teringat masa muda. dan Weich. of course, my youth had Weich in it. in almost every moment. 
masa muda benar-benar rasanya berlalu kaya ditiup angin dalam sekejap. 
how can those years be so short? can't I have a say in this violent roll of time?
i remember how it felt when I was just turning 24.. it's like I had a big space to do stuff, unlimited time, and vast choices. 
trus tau-tau sekarang udah 33.  
dan trus tau-tau I'm on my own, without Weich... 

alhamdulillah tahun 2016 ini gue dikasih kesempatan oleh Allah untuk melalui banyak hal... ulang tahun gue, Bumy, Adit, dan keluarga. ulang tahun pernikahan yang ke-sembilan (dear Lord!). another year with both of my parents. another year to make mistakes, and to learn... truly, Allah memberi gue pelajaran dalam bentuk kehilangan. kehilangan mertua, kehilangan sahabat, ditinggalkan rekan kerja. 
it feels like I've lost so, so much. 
yet gained so many treasures as well...

and now, December is here again. the countdown to the new year has been started... 
what have I learned thus far?
about myself? about people around me? about love, life and death?
have I changed? or am I merely becoming a truer version of myself?

saking udah lamanya nggak n̶u̶l̶i̶s̶ meracau di blog, gue jadi bingung mau mengulas tahun yang nyaris akan berlalu ini dari mana. kalau Nazura Gulfira pernah bikin serial Reproduction of Happiness (ROH) di blognya untuk membahas hal-hal yang membuat hatinya senang, gue jadi kepikiran untuk membuat semacam serial juga. 
mungkiiin... untuk berbagi tentang hal-hal yang berkesan banget bagi gue di tahun 2016 ini. mohon maklum kalau bahasan di serial itu singkat dan acak. karena tujuannya cuma buat mendokumentasikan stream of thought dan semata-mata 'tuk mengajak hati ini bicara, sih. ahahah... 

apa ya sebutan untuk serial ocehan itu? 
how about... "Enlightment of the Heart" series.
mungkin bagi orang lain apa-apa yang gue celotehkan akan terkesan biasa-biasa aja, tapi bagi gue, membukakan mata hati dan pintu pikiran. 

we are only young once. maybe one day I'll look back at these things bothering my mind and laugh them off. but I believe the real treasure lies in the process. in the way those thoughts transform me into someone who can recognize my own potential, and settle into who I am, and make life work for me. 
maybe.