nggak bisa tidur. padahal seharian badan loyo banget dan pengen adit cepet-cepet sampe rumah supaya gue bisa tidur. tapi ternyata... pikiran ribut banget, gak bisa diajak merem.
gelisah.
today wasn't a pretty day.
berkali-kali marah sama bumy. berkali-kali bikin dia nangis. bahkan bikin beberapa kesalahan pengasuhan yang udah gue ultimatum diri gue untuk gak lakukan lagi. hiks.
belum lagi, ketika ngecek status permohonan CLTP gue, ternyata belum ada respon apa-apa. sebelkeselgondokkkk jadinya.
terpaksa deh besok gue nelponin HR lagi... berbasa-basi, berurusan dengan birokrasi, dan siap-siap kecewa kalo menemui kenyataan tak sesuai ekspektasi.
hufffttttt.
on a more grateful light, i managed to slip some physical exercise meskipun bumy gelendotan/telentang di bawah/memanjati badan.
and i ordered pizza which i had been craving for since i woke up in the morning.
also managed to have some time reading suze orman's book. which is utterly interesting. she really is something deh. bukunya udah mau selesai aja gue lahap, padahal belum juga sehari. entah karena gue emang doyan sama hal-ihwal financial planning, atau jeng suze emang jenius merangkai kata dan kasus. i think i'd read the book again after i finished my rambling here.
hal lain, atau mungkin sebenernya yang utama, membuat gundah hati adalah keputusan yang harus dibuat kita sebagai keluarga besok. daftar pro dan kontra udah dibuat. pengorbanan dan risiko udah disadari. tapi gue tetep aja belum tenang. :S
waktu adit tanya pendapat gue, dengan jujur gue jawab kalo pertimbangan gue yang paling utama ya sekitaran diri gue aja. God, this man really should be praised for bearing my self-centeredness. he didn't mind, as always.
gue jawab kalo gue malah seneng jadi ada faktor pendukung kalo mau sekolahin bumy di opsi B tempo hari. berhubung lokasi sekolah B nggak di 'udik', gue jadi bisa memanfaatkan waktu nungguin anak sekolah dengan beraktivitas di seputar wilayah situ.
tapi yang sekarang jadi kepikiran... emang masih ada lowongan buat bumy di situ?? kita sendiri terlanjur membuat jejak kesan buruk karena formulir yang waktu itu diambil belum dibalikin, dan bahkan belum dibayar :|
when he first arrived at home, he rushed to tell me that he's been thinking about the reasons he had thought about to reject the offer.
but after we talked and talked for almost two hours, he said now he's thinking about why he should leave the first place. i'm just worried his mind-changing is because i talked him into it. not because he thought it would be best for him, and why it would be best for him.
"i think too much
of things i want too much
it makes me hateful and i say stupid things.
only you can fill my blank heart
and i'm resigned to that."
("resigned" by blur).
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