now and then

any of you familiar with The Carpenters?
atau bahkan menyukai lagu-lagu mereka, the way i do?

adit mengenal dan menyukai beberapa lagu mereka karena saat les LIA puluhan tahun silam, guru kelasnya mengajak bersama-sama nyanyi dan menyelami lirik lagu "Yesterday Once More." gue gak inget pernah diajak nyanyi-nyanyi gitu sih, selama les LIA. tapi mungkin karena gue gak pernah les di level basic yaa... (#pamerterselubung #doesitevenmatternow? #yeahlookathimnow, #andlookatmenow #focusplease?).

anywaays, interaksi paling memorable gue dengan lagu-lagu The Carpenters, adalah karena dulu, saat gue dan adit baru nikah, and we were heading to hit the road dalam rangka bulan madu, one of their songs was playing through my ipod. it was "We've Only Just Begun."
saat itu, gue udah mengoleksi beberapa lagu The Carpenters. tapi gue gak pernah mengapresiasinya secara khusus, i merely collected them because they have good tunes. seperti "Close to You" misalnya, yang emang commonly popular. 
tapi saat "We've Only Just Begun" terdengar di mobil, saat itu, gue jadi seolah mengalami aha moment. gue baru menyadari betapa lirik lagu itu tepat banget untuk kami saat itu.

"we've only just begun... to live
white lace and promises
a kiss for luck and we're on our way (how very true!)
before the rising sun, we fly
so many roads to choose
we start our walking and LEARN TO RUN."

oh boy, how magnificent and grand those words are. gue dan adit saat itu were "freshmen" yang melangkah ke dalam gerbang pernikahan. with all the white laces and promises yang bisa diartikan sebagai kehebohan persiapan wedding dan janji-janji manis sehidup semati. now we are entering the real deal. we were babies. we were learning how to stand on both our feet before we even could run. 

"sharing horizons that are new to us
watching the signs along the way
talking it over just the two of us
working together day to day... together" 

tidakkah kata-kata itu begitu... um, advisory? of all the hullabaloo we have witnessed and encountered during our wedding preparation, how come we have missed THIS? the message and wisdom needed to guide us in order to survive the wedding itself? watch the signs along the way. talk everything over. and WORK it. together, day to day, forever. gosh.

melompat ke suatu hari di tahun 2013, gue sedang berada di dalam mobil. adit was driving. and i was just wandering off in my thoughts. and then this song was heard, 

"the harderst thing i've ever done is keep believing
there's someone in this crazy world for me
the way that people come and go through temporary lives,
my chance would come and i might never know...

i used to say "no promises, let's keep it simple."
but freedom only helps you say goodbye.
it took a while for me to learn that nothing comes for free
the price i've paid is high enough for me

i know i need to be in love
i know i've wasted too much time
i know i ask perfection of a quite imperfect world
and fool enough to think that's what i'll find"

you know what crossed my mind? myself in the early 20s. 
jomblo, kepengen nikah, tapi gak punya siapa-siapa. ada sih cowok, tapi gak ada yang serius dan "sepaham." i totally needed to be in love. 
bagian paling nonjok tentunya yg dibuat bold: (but) i asked for perfection. 
well, untuk kasus nyari jodoh, syukurlah gak lama kemudian gue ketemu adit dan berujung kewong. tapi it still applies to me and most of my dramatic cases today. i still ask for perfection. i want to always make the perfect choice. the perfect method for parenthood. the perfect image. blablabla. the following line should be a warning to me. i'd be a fool to think i could achieve perfection. 

maybe sometimes settling down is the right option. i settled down with adit. he's not the artsy-fartsy type that i always fell for, he didn't read or listen to what i do, but, look at us now. we can talk for hours, and i get his support for every choice i make. 
this reminds me of "Before Midnight." how they first started out as "soulmates," yet in their most recent years (their 40's), they somehow end up facing the condition (ups and downs, dillemmas and also the kind of intimacy) that is alike to what every couple has: how to deal with their own demons, how to make the marriage work, how to fight right. i mean, it (the movie) resonates a message to me that it doesn't matter how you started as a couple. what matters is whether you're happy with your life, and whether you want to make it work. 

but The Carpenters also "caters" my darker side, my gloomy days, and whatever you may call it. salah satu lagu favorit gue saat sedang di kubu "yang" (as in yin-yang), adalah "Rainy Days and Mondays."

"talkin' to myself and feelin' old
sometimes i'd like to quit
nothin' ever seems to fit
hangin' around, nothin' to do but frown
rainy days and mondays always get me down."

i think every word describes my blues perfectly. saat lagi letih menghadapi dunia, saat lagi pengen 'mogok' and forget about everything else. saat sedang rainy days and mondays, hehe. 
hal lain tentang lagu ini menurut gue, adalah memberi gambaran tentang masalah yang dihadapi penulisnya. we know karen carpenter is a talented musician, but she also had her own blues. she battled bullimia. bahkan konon dia meninggal karena penyakit (mental?)nya itu. so my point is, this girl really knows what she's talking about when she talked about gloomy days and dark moods. 

to end this little note/rambling, i'd like to put one more song that i find meaningful. it's "I Won't Last A Day without You." maybe some of you will find it corny, or lovey-dovey. tapi i totally relate with every word. it resonates my feeling, my trouble with going on and dealing with the world at times. but luckily i have a wonderful life partner. no matter seberapa sering gue misuh-misuh dan sok gak butuh kalo lagi kesel sama doi. 

"day after day, i must face a world of strangers where i don't belong,
i'm not that strong.
it's nice to know that there's someone i can turn to
who will always care, you're always there.

when there's no gettin' over that rainbow,
when my smallest of dreams won't come true,
i can take all the madness the world has to give
but i won't last a day without you."

ihik. 
so, thank you, The Carpenters, for accompanying us since the beginning of our journey. ohya dan berkat seringnya gue nyetel lagu-lagu carpenters di mobil, adit jadi ikut familiar sama mereka. dan kalo karaoke, sama-sama inget untuk masukin lagu carpenters di playlist. 
my pleasure, dear husband.